I guess I might as well admit that from the beginning. I vented to my dad and to Lori on my way home and immediately upon my arrival. Sometimes I just need to do that and I have some very patient people in my life who let me do that.
I had a really rough day at work. I've had a really rough year in general. I feel like my emotional tank is on empty and I don't have a whole lot left to keep going on let alone enough to give. I hate the fact that when I'm just crawling up from the rubble from this battle I seem to be hit again and again - just knocked down to the ground.
I've heard it time and time again that when life gets hard that that is the time to serve others and to pray. I've certainly been doing the praying part and up until today I was trying to serve... the second part may not have been as successful as the praying part.
Doctrine and Covenants 6:36-37
36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.
This seems like the appropriate point to note that every sentence to this point started with I. Yes... I'm a little narcissistic and self-centered tonight... bear with me... It's just one of those nights/days/months/years.
Something that I pride myself on a little bit is that I have faith. That does seem counter-intuitive, but I am confident in my faith. I know that no matter what everything will work out as it should and that everything will be fine. I know that trials will make me the person that I need to be for the next trial in life. I know that Heavenly Father is in control and I just need to listen to the spirit to know what to do and where to be. That is always what gets me through struggles and it will be what gets me through this time too. Heavenly Father has always been there for me and always had a higher purpose. I just need to remember that in my weakness.
It's been a long time since I struggled this much - there have been selective moments or struggles over the years, but I don't remember a time when I was quite this much on emotionally empty or when struggles came this consecutively and quickly together. Maybe that means something great is coming or maybe it means I had a lot of work that was needed. Either way - I'm just trying to weather the storm and glean from it as much as I can.
It's strengthened my testimony of a lot of things namely regular scripture study, humility, faith, constant prayer, the atonement of Jesus Christ, the power of the priesthood and priesthood blessings, and just plain love.
I'm not sure if anyone else out there is feeling like I am or is quite at the bottom of the barrel, but maybe this will help. We all have highs and we all have lows. I tend to not post on this blog when I'm at a low point or at a busy point because I don't want others to know... seems too personal. I worry that employers will get a hold of it or that it could be used against me. Seeing that only friends see this and no details have been shared I think it just might be safe. If it's not I'll just move it over to my private blog, but for now this is out in the open.
Now the game plan is to take each day one at a time. Make it to the weekend... granted I'm working the entire weekend, but if I get there it will be an accomplishment. Then it'll be to get through the first part of next week and then getting to Labor Day Weekend.
Oh, how I long for actually getting a long weekend. Sigh... I can make it to the weekend.
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