Riding the Roller Coaster...

There are some nights in life when I get really sentimental. It doesn't happen often... or more appropriately I don't let myself get that way often. It's a coping mechanism. If you push hard and work hard you never have to slow down long enough to feel the pain of leaving friends behind or to really feel lonely.

Tonight isn't necessarily one of those nights, but I am noticing that the roller coaster's (note the header of this very blog) highest of highs and lowest of lows get ever more dramatic and ever more thrilling when you allow yourself to feel. In the past it was like I covered my eyes during the extraneous parts of life. I rarely broke down into tears lonely and missing friends in far away places. Sure I missed them. I remembered and wished I was there, but I just didn't allow myself the heart wrenching pangs of longing for friends.

This year has been different. This year is the first time I've collected more things than can squeeze into my little prius. It's the first time I've worked for the same boss for longer than a couple months. It's the first time I've laid down roots in one place with the intention of staying. It's just a different way to live. It's permanent.

I'm learning how to make long term relationships. Sure, sure... I've had friends that continue for years and even decades in some cases, but the skill of building relationships in person for years is a completely different way to live than the campaign vagabond lifestyle. I'm working on it. It takes a lot more patience and a lot more investment of energy.

I don't know if all of that makes sense. I'm glad I'm settled and I can really work on building friendships. I'm excited to work towards learning what balance could be whether I get there or not. I'm still not entirely sure that it isn't just a myth that some people make up.. like the greener grass in some other far away place.

So here I go.. riding that roller coaster.. all the way up to the high points and all the way down the thrilling drops to the lows. Either way.. I know I'll end up on top at just the right place I'm supposed to end up.